Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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