24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
