I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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