I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.