I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize