Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me

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  (410): cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me http://tfl.nu/jebo
  Replies (11) Good night (590) Bad night (2097)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

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  (404): look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose http://tfl.nu/df7a
  Replies (11) Good night (4814) Bad night (1044)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (9032) Bad night (1050)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

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  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (7066) Bad night (656)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

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  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (7322) Bad night (1137)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.

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  (810): I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future. http://tfl.nu/04uk
  Replies (31) Good night (1743) Bad night (6514)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

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  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5695) Bad night (1254)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?

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  (906): Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over? http://tfl.nu/2cvh
  Replies (6) Good night (2556) Bad night (781)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Did you bedazzle the elevator?

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  (845): Did you bedazzle the elevator? http://tfl.nu/4rct
  Replies (2) Good night (3385) Bad night (700)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.

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  (423): Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows. http://tfl.nu/qes9
  Replies (4) Good night (1552) Bad night (425)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore

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  (702): I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore http://tfl.nu/7m2v
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (829)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.

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  (937): she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest. http://tfl.nu/xty4
  Replies (2) Good night (1311) Bad night (425)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.

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  (906): Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22. http://tfl.nu/rw17
  Replies (8) Good night (591) Bad night (1241)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude

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  (306): Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude http://tfl.nu/ijqp
  Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (338)
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  (+81): View more from

  When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.

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  (+81): When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons. http://tfl.nu/bw9q
  Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (205)

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