when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?