That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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