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• (424): View more from California

  I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (716): View more from New York

  I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Nope

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