Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
