I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
