i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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