just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
FUCK WHALES
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
