week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
