He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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