A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
