just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
