My friends, they love my intelligence
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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