i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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