I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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