Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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