If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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