Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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