his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize