for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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