Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
