maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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