You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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