Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
