you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she peed on how many people?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
