it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
