You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
