when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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