Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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