It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
