i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
