I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
