Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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