Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
