What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
