dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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