I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
