Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
