Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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