Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
