ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
