Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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