I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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