I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
