just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
