the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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