So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my liver is dry heaving
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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