Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
