So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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