Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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