she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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