If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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