She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sober January is a disaster.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
