I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
