I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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