He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
