How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
