oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize