Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize