I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All the doctor said was why
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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