That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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