i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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