i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
