I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
