Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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