Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
3 2 1 whiskey
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
