I wish I could punch you in the face.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
