I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
