Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
