Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
