When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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