Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
