we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
